Things are changing....

        

My beautiful girls :)

I can't help but feel sad, happy and scared all at the same time.

I am (always have been) a terrible worrier, now ask my friends and they'd say i am bubbly, confident and positive. Only a few people know the 'real' me, the side thats easily hurt and upset, the part of me that constantly worries and wants everything to be perfect.

Yes i usually do and say what i like, but i do worry what people think about me, what will happen to me and where i will end up.

This pregnancy has caused a whole new MASSIVE batch of hormones, a fresh batch of bitchyness, moanyness and unhappyness. Not to mention the heartburn, back ache and stress from a very tetchy toddler.

I do love being pregnant again, its great. So different from with Lydia, this time i am worring about moving, money and how all of this will effect Lydia. She is amazing and hugs my belly saying ''Baby'' then kisses it :)

I've been upset about how she will feel, how she will adapt to moving (if we ever move!?!)

Everyone tells me to relax and take it easy.

How can i!?! I have a toddler who acts like a teenager and i'm really stressed out on top of trying to remain ''normal'' to function in everyday life and move.

I wish someone would just come along and sort it all out for me. Someone to assure me Lydia will be fine, its just a phase afterall, someone to get me a new flat and sort out all the shit that comes with moving, someone to give me a wonderfull massage and a day off from everything.

But, i don't believe in god and miracles just don't happen to me.

Rant over and otherwise i am really happy. I have a beautiful happy daughter and she has a sister on her way. I always wanted a sister so she's getting what i always wanted, which is lovely :)

And i've managed to make the baby a few things for when she arrives. A soft play cube, hand stiched with a jingle bell inside. And a sock cat! Meiow....

I have always thought that i would'nt dress my two girls exactly the same. Maybe the same outfit/top but in different colours. However i have printed a vest each for the girls to wear, matching! :)

I've also brought two t-shirts, one each, Lydia's will say 'Big sister' and baby's will say 'Little sister' :) Yey!!!

I miss you....

I Miss my boobie baby, i have even had a dream in which she comes back to me. She's so grown up and independent now that its hard to imagine that just over 2months ago she was with me all the time, having boobie and hugging me.

Sometimes she pulls a face when she is sleeping that reminds me of how she used to look whilst feeding,so sweet and 'baby-like'. Now she's all toddler and girly looking, with alot of mischievous looks about her.

I know i'm going to have a new baby to feed and love, i just miss my Lydia baby. I need to realise that she's growing up and needs me less than before, i can acctually have a little time off and give her to a friend or relative for a few hours.

She has recently started to give cuddles and kisse's which is really lovely. She is always happy and smiley, unless she's throwing a wobbly!

I am planning on trying to do lots more with her, toddler clubs, swimming again and finding out new games for us to play. Some 'us' time whilst we are still a family of three.

Flat hunting is still going on, what a STRESS that is, i never knew it was so hard? Everything i find has been taken already! I've been trying not to take my stress of that, hormones, sickness, tiredness and cheeky toddler-ness out on Justin and Lydia but its difficult sometimes.



Well i'm off to play with my cheeky little madam, and to try and relax. She can still be my 'baby', she's just not 'a baby' anymore :)

2birds in my bra and other tales of woe...

In photo: Tit-milk!

So, i after 7mths of successfully breastfeeding i have nipple thrush!' Eww you dirty cow' i thought? Its got nothing to do with hygiene as i initially thought. Its all to do with Lydia's increase in feeds and her making my nipples super wet from teething dribble!!! Mmm, nice! lol

Now i have to rub them (ooh sounds kinky!) three times a day with cream from my doctor!

I am going to get through this, some people give up breastfeeding because of it. I am not some-people. I am me! And i regard Lydia's health and well-being above my own. Super mum! :0)

Not sleeping again.... Lydia go's down around 7/7.30pm-ish and wakes around 11pm for a feed. Sometimes again at 2.30am/5.30am then its up and about for 7am. However the last few nights i have not been able to drop off? Over active mind and over tiredness me thinks. In the end i just get up and go online or write letters to my buddy in South Africa. (We miss you Sarah and Marlow) Don't nod off until 2am and then its only 30mins until a feed! Brain what are you playing at?!?

On a good note.......

I won something!!! I never win anything!!! It wasn't really that hard though, and i already have one! But i won a NUBY teether toy for Lydia. They had a competition on facebook for the first 25 people to join their page and email them. I was number 13, unlucky for some.

Whats happening?

Recently home life has been super stressful!

We were 2/3 way of sorting out the flat,tidying and making more room. Having a massive sort out and clean up! It was going so well until....

The landlady decided we need the kitchen doing, mice invaded and it got gutted! So all the kitchen stuff is in the front room! Whilst there she decided to look at the bathroom, oh dear! She got the floor boards ripped up and the sink is now hanging off the wall and the bath is half usable with no side panel or sealant and all the stuff is in the bedroom!!! So we only have the sofa and the bed for space. Which, due to the lack of space has been causing a lot of tension and STRESS!!!!!!!

I have been trying to escape the house everyday to get out of the madness, but there's only so many times in a week that you can wander around preston park or london road without feeling like you've lost the plot!

Now,amongst the chaos we have almost masterd a bedtime routine. And i thought i would try to do something for me.....

I managed to find myself again! Its been 6months but i did it!

In the bath of all places!

I had a glorious 40Min's all to myself! Cava,candles and a good book. Bath full to the brim and baby monitor on the side and peace in my head!

It was great to 'find myself' again and relax, soaking away the aches and pains of motherhood, forgetting about all the housework that's been put on standby and just being me!

And let me tell you, i am fabulous!